I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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