so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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