Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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