my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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