So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
