I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
