Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
