roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
