i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
