Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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