I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
