Cold hands, warm shart.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
