I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
