It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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