I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
