butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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