why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
