i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
