i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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