You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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