he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
