I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
