He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
