i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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