I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
