oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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