i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
