I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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