six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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