things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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