I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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