you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have tasted many bathrooms
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
