I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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