Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
