Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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