I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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