Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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