He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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