dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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