I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
