What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
