Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
