I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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