I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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