Yo dont text me then not text me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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