Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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