I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
