You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
