Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
