Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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