Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I died a long time ago.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
