yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
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I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
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I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect