Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.

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  (908): there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo. http://tfl.nu/6eag
  Replies (37) Good night (4625) Bad night (1055)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist

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  (817): God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist http://tfl.nu/ubmz
  Replies (12) Good night (1573) Bad night (5492)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.

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  (404): Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic. http://tfl.nu/dv7k
  Replies (27) Good night (3533) Bad night (5361)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  what? who is this?

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  (201): Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER. (610): what? who is this? http://tfl.nu/1mp3
  Replies (12) Good night (2689) Bad night (1037)
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  (415): View more from California

  The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.

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  (415): The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican. http://tfl.nu/ke0b
  Replies (9) Good night (1349) Bad night (498)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.

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  (207): I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom. http://tfl.nu/g4e2
  Replies (6) Good night (944) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.

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  (971): It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth. http://tfl.nu/pavc
  Replies (5) Good night (445) Bad night (857)
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  (805): View more from California

  I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace

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  (805): I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace http://tfl.nu/uk2m
  Replies (8) Good night (1004) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance

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  (850): It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance http://tfl.nu/dt1j
  Replies (6) Good night (524) Bad night (916)
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  (408): View more from California

  Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.

  (408): View more from California

  Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly

  (1-408): View more from California

  I approve this so hard.

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  (408): Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon. (408): Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly (1-408): I approve this so hard. http://tfl.nu/8gh1
  Replies (4) Good night (1404) Bad night (484)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex

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  (515): she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex http://tfl.nu/uys9
  Replies (2) Good night (585) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match

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  (303): I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match http://tfl.nu/tsdg
  Replies (1) Good night (686) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.

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  (425): she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers. http://tfl.nu/95mp
  Replies (4) Good night (1232) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.

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  (419): She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird. http://tfl.nu/4ytr
  Replies (1) Good night (824) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...

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  (405): I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute... http://tfl.nu/yut9
  Replies (3) Good night (471) Bad night (867)

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