I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?