Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
