So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..