sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
