I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
