My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
