All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
