im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
