i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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