The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
