shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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