YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Vodka?
Forever.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
