im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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