Moan for me like Helen Keller
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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