He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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