saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
